Mel Gibson was capable of communicating/talking with all kinds of b*tches in What Women Want – dogs included.

If you’re familiar with dogsh*t romantic comedies, then you’ve probably seen What Women Want. Except the movie isn’t dogsh*t. That’s because Mel Gibson can read women’s minds. This is an excellent premise for a movie and doesn’t require any further explanation. And I’m not being sarcastic.

But the premise is destroyed when, early in the film after acquiring his powers, Mel Gibson hears a dog’s thoughts. It’s of course a poodle and it thinks in English with a French accent. The dog tells its owner it needs to sh*t.

This ability is never re-visited in the film and is wasted on interactions with Marisa Tomei, whom Mel Gibson f*cks in the film. But Tomei isn’t cast as the person you marry in a movie (see Crazy Stupid Love, The Wrestler, hot Aunt Jane in Spider-Man).

Instead his powers force him to fall in love with Helen Hunt. This occurs after he mentally catches her staring at his dick through his pants multiple times.

What Women Want was wasted

A glaring problem of the film is that the ability to talk to animals is wasted. There’s a lot of jokes that I won’t make about dogs being more interesting to talk to than women.

But Mel Gibson should’ve at least asked other animals for advice in the film. It’s unbelievable anyone wouldn’t be more intrigued by this gift’s capability. I’m not saying this is some tongue-in-cheek gag, it would’ve made for a much better movie.

Mel Gibson could overhear one dog calling another dog “bitch.” He could try and sniff a dog’s ass and see their response. Mel could’ve showed female gerbils a picture of Richard Gere to assess where they stood on the allegations.

His character doesn’t even need to use his animal talking powers for good. He could find out once and for all if German Shepherds are racist. An entire spin-off film about why cats knock things off counters could be fantastic.

Animal Marketing

I have to mention the original premise of the movie doesn’t need to be compromised. Mel works in an ad agency, why doesn’t he market to pets. Folks who love their furry companions would definitely buy toys and food that their pets respond to on TV.

Have Mel work that angle while he’s trying to f*ck Helen Hunt. It’s not rocket science, just a squandered premise. It’s one that shouldn’t have been introduced into the movie. Not if the producers aren’t going to follow up on it in good faith. I’m mad.

They could be on a date at Sea World and he can mind-hear that she needs to find a bathroom. So he pre-empts it. While he waits outside as she’s pissing, he can hear one of the whale’s say, “I wish they don’t electrocute us today.”

His decision to ignore that and continue with the date while hearing seals cry on the inside hasn’t been done in a romcom. And while this is an extreme example, it shows the potential the movie had. But also, what Mel’s character was dealing with, but wasn’t revealed to viewers.

Other Romcoms with anthropomorphic animals

Failure to Launch has a lot of animals with human qualities. Zoe Deschanel with the guy left on the roof in The Hangover fight a bird. Some cast members are attacked by dolphins. At the end of the film Matthew McConaughey is almost killed after a lizard bites his finger then chuckles at the camera. This happens while the movie’s lead falls off a mountain.

This shows that What Women Want could’ve leaned as heavily or lightly as it wanted to in an animal direction. But to leave just one quick scene in the final edit was wrong.

Ultra News Rating: What Women Want – 2/5 stars.