There must have been 1,000 people at my great-grandfather’s funeral.

He was the best Muslim I’ve ever known and I’ve thought about him a lot throughout my life.

But after Hamas’ attack on Israeli civilians on October 7th, 2023, I’ve been thinking about him more than I ever have.

A real freedom fighter

Fascism came to Yugoslavia during World War 2, and he fought against it. He earned a reputation with the opposition and after his small resistance group was whittled down to just him and a few of his friends, he knew there was no chance of victory. So they hid for years in a cave.

Had he and the remaining men of his village decided to be martyrs, he would’ve left his wife and two young sons to fend for themselves. He would’ve never made it to America, acquire his citizenship, and save up enough money to bring his family here. I would’ve never been born.

I felt him with me when I was in Burbank, California while on a week-long screen test for a life-changing opportunity to be a cast member on a massively popular TV series. One that had my face on billboards in Time Square. It was surreal to stand beneath a larger than life version of myself while thinking about how decades ago, my great grandfather slept in the crevice of a steep mountain. Thinking only of how he was going to escape and survive to protect his family. He must’ve craved life at a level I will never understand.

A good friend of mine since childhood may read this, along with my other classmates at the Islamic school I attended for 6 years. They know my great grandfather’s story very well. And it’s one of those friends who actually forwarded me the email about castings for the show above that I am writing this for. Him and others like him who I know are good people.

9/11

We were in class together on September 11th, 2001. A teacher solemnly shared the news with us in our Teaneck, NJ school, and said that we should be careful about anti-Islamic sentiments in the country that would probably arise as a result of the World Trade Center tragedy.

My mother debated taking off her headscarf so as to not call attention to herself. I remember watching the news, seeing anchors respond to frightened callers, expressing how they were worried about Muslims carrying out acts of terrorism at home. “They could be anywhere!” To my relief, members of the media were quick to decry this line of thinking.

And then there was the response of the local Jewish community our school was located in, who offered their support at the time. I saw strong stances against Islamophobia from Jewish and Christian religious leaders who advocated for us. In fact, there was support for the Muslim community in general from anyone who didn’t stand for bigotry of any kind. I was grateful and relieved to see that people weren’t treating us like the bad guys from Executive Decision.

Because as far as I knew, we weren’t. All of my friends and the members of the masjids I attended all decried Osama Bin Laden and acts of terrorism in the aftermath of the attacks.

Whenever someone found out I was Muslim, they almost always offered sympathy. “How are you? Has anything happened to you?”

Aside from being stopped at the airport a few times while traveling, which I’m sure even happened to people not named Mustafa, my life hadn’t changed.

Islamists vs Islam

Oddly enough, people’s perceptions of Islam in America improved after the attacks. Intelligent, well-spoken Muslims were discussing the religion on TV. There were calls for peace and unity. Years later, when the deception of the Iraq war came to light, there were outcries and protests by Americans from all walks of life. “No blood for oil!” was a recurring chant.

We were so disturbed by the misinformation and loss of life in the Middle East, that our country even elected its first Black president, whose middle name was Hussein. Okay, so he wasn’t Muslim, but that was pretty damn close. And one of his biggest campaign promises was to bring the troops home from Iraq. It felt like we had our own end the Vietnam War moment.

Obama didn’t bring the troops home though. He did the opposite. Nor did he give us the universal healthcare we thought we’d get. Osama Bin Laden was killed and the Taliban was (temporarily) squashed. Although I hadn’t directly experienced any Islamophobia during the time I was worried it’d be at an all time high, with the terrorists making us look bad gone, we were really in the clear.

ISIS = Hamas

Years later, when ISIS surged into power, I didn’t know a single Muslim who seriously worried about Islamophobia.

Like the Taliban, ISIS was disparaged, and Muslims warned gullible people being fooled on social media to not join their cause. I even worked with other Muslim comics and entertainers to pitch a TV series lampooning ISIS to highlight their disgusting interpretation of Islam and condemn their actions at the time.

American Muslims publicly rejected the atrocities of the Taliban and ISIS. The sexual subjugation of women, suicide bombings and attacks against civilians. We did everything to distance ourselves from these monsters who had no code of ethics, just pure hatred. And we had no reservations in doing so. It wasn’t complicated.

Israel hate

But after the October 7th attacks on Israeli civilians, I didn’t see any prominent Muslim figures speak out against Hamas. There weren’t any mass calls to remove the terrorist organization from power, despite brutally raping and murdering women, children, and the elderly.

Nor did I see anyone demand the hostages be returned.

At first there was silence. Then, a growing online discourse about the history of the Israel-Gaza conflict. It wasn’t long before I saw throngs of people, non Arabs and Muslims included, become experts in Middle Eastern affairs.

Not long after, flat out denials that the attacks even took place.

Now I loved the private Islamic school I attended despite some of its shortcomings. To me, getting to see different Muslims, many of us first generation Americans, from various cultural backgrounds, was an experience I don’t think many can say that they had.

Islamic school

I loved that we got to fast during the month of Ramadan together. I even loved rolling out the carpets in the gym at the end of the day to pray in the afternoon. Some of us attended weekend Quran study groups, and during the holy month, we’d pray long, late hours at a local masjid. Oftentimes sleeping there throughout the night just so we could wake up and share a meal before we prayed again in the morning, the sun still shrouded in darkness.

It felt like we were living the pious lives we were told that Muhammad (PBUH) and his sahaba espoused. In Islamic Studies class, we’d hear about the compassion Allah’s last messenger had for everyone, not just Muslims.

One story I never forgot was when he stood up for a funeral procession to show his respect for the dead. A Muslim in his group was quick to inform Muhammad of the dead man’s faith. “It is a Jew,” he said to Muhammad, who replied, “Was he not a soul?”

It’s a hadith I wish more Muslims considered when 1,200 Israeli civilians were killed and 251 hostages were captured.

No coexistence

Since a lot of the school’s board, and the students who attended there were Palestinian and predominantly from other Arab countries, we heard about the conflicts in Israel often. After every Friday prayer, there would be a supplication as part of our dua to save the people of Gaza. Oftentimes, the khutbah itself contained condemnations of Israel.

Horrific stories of injustice against Palestinians permeated classroom discussions, too. Students would call each other “Jew” as an insult.

I knew that there was a hatred of Israel among a lot of the families and students, but it wasn’t one I could ever share. And it’s a vitriol that I convinced myself my friends didn’t extend to all Jews. I couldn’t share it — I attended a public school in New City, NY with a large number of Jewish students. My neighbor in the town was one of my closest friends and he was Jewish, as were some of my favorite elementary school teachers. Ones who showed me kindness when my family needed it most.

Balkan Muslims

It’s not like I didn’t understand disdain for a neighboring country with a different religious population, either. My father would curse Serbians up and down for the conflict in Kosovo, and members of my family were ushered out of the way to escape ethnic cleansing in the region. Anyone who originated from the Balkans can understand. Yugoslavia now no longer exists, and my grandfather’s village prior to that was part of Albania. Borders changed — the devotion he and his neighbors had to protecting each other did not.

But my identity wasn’t wrapped up in hating Serbians over land disputes in a part of the world I didn’t live in, nor ever planned to live in. And while there are probably still people in the country who still think Slobadan Milosevic was a great leader, I’m not going to fault a whole nation for it. And I’m surely not going to be happy or cheer the death of innocent civilians, women, and children over the conflict.

After all, like the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) says, “was he not a soul?”

But after October 7th, I didn’t see any Muslims saying that.

Double standard

Gone were the Muslim speakers I saw on TV after 9/11 and social media posts decrying the acts of ISIS. Islamic voices weren’t castigating Hamas and Hezbollah for these crimes and highlighting how Gaza’s leadership was putting its people at risk for more destruction.

Any competent Muslim talking head was replaced, instead, by people circling the story like vultures who ignored the ruthless tragedy other souls just endured. When Israel retaliated in response to the attacks, there were cries about the loss of Gazan’s lives. But no demands of hostages being returned.

No mentions of the brutalities Israeli citizens were subjected to, just denial after denial. Then came the incessant posts containing accusations the October 7th attacks were either grossly exaggerated or altogether fabricated. And when it was proven that they weren’t, virtually every Muslim ear was suddenly deaf.

It was alarming how quickly facts didn’t matter and how so many people refused to even look at them. No one cared that 18.1% of Israel’s population is Muslim, or that the government protected these citizens, while they were praying no less, after the attacks. Instead, people parsed video footage and squabbles over regurgitated conspiracy theories and attempts to catch Israel in a lie, any lie.

As if they found one inconsistency, it would invalidate how Gazans cheered the dead body of a young girl on a pickup truck okay, or the murders of a mother and her two babies taken hostage. My great grandfather was a mujahideen — he would’ve never cheered the death of a woman, let alone a mother with two infants no matter where they were from.

Muslims in Israel

No one wanted to know that Muslims actually serve in the Knesset and hold high-ranking government positions in Israel. Nor did Muslims seem to care that Hamas’ leadership didn’t even live in Gaza. They didn’t care about relief funds and resources meant for the people they said they were protesting to protect were being stolen. Spent on Birkin bags and Allah knows what else in countries far away from the conflict.

I had more friends who were outraged when I pointed out the absurdity of the “Queers for Palestine” movement on social media than they were that Hamas murdered and raped civilians enjoying a concert and taking senior citizens and babies hostage.

And I was shocked that they couldn’t see they were only subjecting Gazans to more violence by perpetuating these narratives.

Which paved the way for self-serving personalities to hijack the voices of 1.9 billion practitioners of Islam. We allowed the ignorant and blatantly hateful to represent us, and have suffered as a result.

Influencer Islam

People like Bassem Yousseff, who made a name for himself in Egyptian television during the Arab Spring. His commentary emboldened young people all across Egypt netting him sizable ratings. However, once he learned El-Sisi was after him, Youssef immediately left the country, tweeting the entire time his life was possibly in danger.

It’s difficult to fault him for leaving — my great grandfather did the same thing when he realized there was no way he was going to stop Fascism from overtaking Yugoslavia. After 20 years, he was finally able to bring his family to America — he didn’t abandon them.

But Youssef left the Egyptian people behind. He could’ve continued to be a significant media presence for his countrymen, broadcasting from a nearby Arab country. Instead, he settled in Beverly Hills in an attempt to secure a TV deal.

As a Muslim who followed his work and subsequent desertion of the Egyptian people, I was flabbergasted to see that other Muslims were, years later, accepting him as a voice to discuss the conflict in Gaza. Did they not know his track record? Why were they sharing his ridiculous and easily disputed viewpoints online? It was evident he was only trying to grasp at whatever celebrity he could.

What’s worse, is that he, and others like him, were clearly profiting from the perpetuation of this conflict. Youssef was selling tickets to comedy shows shilling the same antisemitic rhetoric I’d heard over and over again in coffee shops and hookah lounges in the Middle East. Others, bolstered their social media followings, and publicly gloated over the deaths of Jewish civilians in other countries. Like the Israel-France Mars soccer match in Amsterdam.

It was evident that this wasn’t a protest for humanity, but a persistent demonstration of hatred against a single group of people.

Radical Muslims against America

As a Muslim American, I was livid seeing Free Palestine protesters defacing monuments. In our nation’s Capitol nonetheless, and burning American flags. But the Arab-Muslim community at large didn’t speak out against that. The recent Boro Park protests are yet another example of “Anti-Zionism” spreading to areas that have nothing to do with Israel, revealing the impetus behind these demonstrations. Pro Palestine protesters were arrested after attacking Jewish residents. One was even caught trying to stab Jews standing up to the mob with a massive knife.

There’s been a lot of Anti-American sentiments from Americans themselves over the last few years. Much of it comes from a place of hate. But then there are people who criticize the flaws in their country, because they love it, and want it to be better.

Israel allows protests from citizens who disagree with its government. Many nations do. I’ve seen tons of Jews on social media criticize Israel’s policies over the years, and even some Jews who’ve said they don’t believe the country should exist at all.

But I, as a Muslim, am afraid of the backlash from members of my own faith. I know I’m angering extremist for wanting humanity to apply to everyone. Or if I mention to an American-Muslim friend who, like me, has a daughter, that our girls would be much safer and have more rights in Israel than pretty much any Arab Muslim country.

It’s difficult to argue that Islam is the religion of peace when there are so many instances that prove otherwise. Especially when you have Muslims who are afraid to say anything remotely critical about members of their own faith.

Uyghur Muslim Genocide

And this hasn’t always been the case. There is no difference between ISIS, the Taliban, Hezbollah, or Hamas. Further highlighting the hypocrisy of selective outrage is the genocide and mass detainment of Uyghurs in Xinjiang. Purportedly up to 3 million Muslims in the region are being forced into slave labor in China. Women are being gang-raped and chemically castrated, with children being stolen from their parents.

By all accounts, Uyghurs have been unequivocally peaceful, and haven’t launched terrorist attacks against their enemies. But why isn’t there outrage over Uyghur concentration camps? Would it be different if Xi Jinping celebrated Hanukkah?

To the friends I grew up with and Muslims who refuse to call out their own. I have one question: what do you want?

Is it for the people of Gaza to live peacefully in their land? Then the Muslim world’s response to the October 7th attacks is clearly not the way to achieve that. All we did was get more Gazans killed, while influencers racked up likes, and terrorists lined their pockets.

Now, it looks like the land is lost for good. And if I were Israel, I would work to take it in a heartbeat. Because I’d know that not only am I putting my people at risk for another October 7th. But that Muslims who may want peace will either be too afraid or indifferent to call out their own.

True religion

I know it pained my Great Grandfather to leave his home. He never preached religion sanctimoniously. And I never heard him utter a hateful word, he did speak lovingly about his country.

But after reuniting with his family, he fought for a good life. And showed his children, grand-children, and great-grandchildren how to do the same. He established a masjid in Philadelphia that helped thousands of people. Even aiding those fleeing from the conflict of the Kosovo War. And he established a family run business in the city of brotherly love. One that’s been going strong now for four generations.

There were Rabbis, Priests, local politicians, and Black, Arab, Hispanic, White, Albanian, Desi people all at his funeral. If he was alive today, he’d see his home country came back from numerous wars and is now flourishing.

I think of all the ways he fought. Not just in armed combat, but mostly for his humanity and to help those that he could. For him, it wasn’t complicated.